American Graffitti: December 13

From the Oxford Mail, first published Monday 18th Dec 2006.

I flew back to the States from London this past weekend and what was the first thing I did upon returning home? Not unpack, not shower, not even hug my dog. No, I headed straight to the family room, plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV.

It's the same every time I come home. I'm like a junkie who's gone six months without a fix. And the cravings get worse the longer I'm away.

Finally, when I get home, I go on a crazy TV binge. I'll spend hours watching anything and everything - unfunny sitcoms, shameless reality shows, celebrity gossip news programs, you name it. It's my way of catching up on all the American pop-culture I've missed while I was away.

I wouldn't consider myself a TV addict per se. My busy schedule has generally prevented this. So compared to the average American who, according to 2000 media research, watches over four hours of television a day, I'm a bit of a lightweight in my viewing habits.

But like my countrymen, television is part of my lifestyle - the source of dinner conversation, of escapist entertainment and of cultural engagement. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, this TV dependency of ours.

It's now standard, for example, for homes to have cable or satellite service with nearly 200 channels. 200 channels? Is there anyone out there really watching the Do-It-Yourself Network or the 19th Century Maritime Trade Channel?

OK, I made that last one up, but with 200 channels, it may not be all the far-fetched. If that isn't bad enough, there is a new craze for DVRs - digital television recording systems - that allow you to record and view shows at your convenience. Thus, you are guaranteed to never miss another TV show. The British don't seem to have the same sort of rabid relationship with their television sets. And it shows. We have a TV in our flat in Oxford this school-year, but it's hardly worth watching. We get five channels, and as far as I can tell, four have strict regulations to air only nature documentaries.

If there is a not a scenic shot of an eagle soaring gracefully over a pristine lake while classical music trills in the background, then it's not going to make the cut.

There is only one show I find mildly watchable, Strictly Come Dancing. It's a take-off on an American show with a similar premise, and, perhaps for that reason, it's the only thing I've found that approaches the US standards for trashy entertainment. And I think that's where the problem lies - British television isn't very good at appealing to the lowest common denominator. It tries to be classy.

Americans, well, we're good at trash. We do trash really well. And let's face it, it's damn entertaining. So, I've given up on British television. I leave my English room-mate to his soaring eagles and documentaries on polar bears.

Meanwhile, I download American shows on iTunes to sustain me through the leans months. And then I come home to the States and absolutely douse myself in US TV, in all its tawdry glory.

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